Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child ( The Power Of Love - Four )

Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child The current thinking is that punishing children hampers their development and leads them to be violent later in life. Many studies have been done that confirm this. However, the opinion of those who have been punished in childhood is usually the opposite; they are likely to punish their own children in turn, believing that is necessary for their welfare. Ultimately, all problems arise from mental defilement. Even if parents never hit their children, they are sure to get angry sometimes.Psychological punishments may do far more harm than physical ones. It is rare to find the ideal family where the parents never have to discipline their children, and where the children can talk to their parents as friends whenever they are facing conflicts at school or with their friends. If the parents abstain from all immorality, meditate regularly, teach Dhamma to their children, and honour and support virtuous monks, they may still find that their children are corrupted by influences beyond their control. We are living in very difficult times. In treating antisocial behaviour in children one must treat the parents as well. Children learn how to behave from their parents, not by listening to what they are told, but by watching what the parents do. If a parent is angry and often displays it, then a child will follow suit. The Buddha was the ideal "father" to the community of monks since he had eradicated all traces of anger. If he admonished monks it was always motivated by compassion. If parents are motivated by compassion, they need not worry too much about harming their children by smacking or scolding them occasionally, but if they are angry they should cool down before punishing their children. Everyone should practise meditation seriously to eradicate mental defilement such as attachment, anger, impatience, jealousy, and hypocrisy. teachers, and others in charge of children have a special duty to be mindful and wise. According to vinaya rules it is an offence to strike a novice when angry. However, in practice it is not uncommon for naughty novices to be beaten. If one is not angry, there is no offence. i was quite shocked when burmese teacher beat a novice who had been listening music in the meditation centre. He also thrashed a young delinquent whose pious parents had brought him to the monastery, begging my teacher to correct his wild behaviour.It is hard to say that he did not get angry. That was many years ago, when my teacher was in the prime of life. He has mellowed a lot after having a heart-bypass. He is a well-respected meditation master, but only Arahants and non-returners(anargams) are totally free from anger. Some people argue that beating children is fundamentally wrong, but those living in the world have to be pragmatic. Ordinary parents and teachers are not Arahants or Non-returners who have eradicated all anger. If they do not smack children, their anger will almost certainly manifest in other ways. teachers may suffer from severe stress if they have no practical means to maintain discipline. The tried and tested method of sending unruly pupils to the headmaster for punishment is practical. The teacher does not punish the pupils himself while he is angry. The headmaster is detached from the classroom confrontation and can assess the facts objectivity. If he thinks that the teacher was being intolerant he can punish the pupil lightly to save face for both parties. wouldn't it be wonderful if we had no police, court, or prisons? Shopkeepers and home owners could shoot robbers themselves and save everyone a whole lot of troubles! but would this really work? society would soon descend to anarchy, wouldn't it? So love has a broad scope. If you really care for the welfare of others, you must oppose them when they are wrong. You may sometimes need to use physical force to restrain evil-doers, but you must train yourself well to overcome greed, anger, and delusion. " Whatever harm a foe may do to his enemy, or a suitor may do this rival, one's own ill-directed mind can do one a still greater harm." (Dhp v 42) The Protection of Love Loving-kindness is a powerful protection from danger---the external danger of violence and the internal dangers of anger, jealousy, and meanness. Loving-kindness makes the mind soft and pliable, like a green branch full of sap. Without love, the mind is brittle, like a dried up branch..........